rIt would be an understatement to say I am obsessed. I got a new Blackberry last Tuesday, and since then have found little use for my outdated laptop (dying a slow death driven by its now-pathetic battery life and tendency to freeze only when I am Facebooking people I shouldn't be). I understand that I'm late in joining this craze, that people who have Blackberries are reading this thinking about how pathetic I am. And I am pathetic. It's funny when stupid things make you feel like your coolness factor has skyrocketed, when the only place it has moved is in your mind.
"Look at me," I think as I drive home from work. "I'm at a stoplight checking my e-mail. What are YOU doing? Changing the radio station? Hah, well I can get my OWN radio on Pandora. Wow, you're practically a caveman moving that tuning dial. I should take a picture of you on my 3.2 megapixel camera so I can upload it to my blog at the next stoplight and make fun of you to the whole world (or the 45 people that read my blog*)."
*Update number based on new hit counter in left toolbar that I am padding, another way to make myself appear cooler*
Keep in mind that I drive a 1998 Jeep Cherokee that is on the verge of dropping its transmission whenever I do a U-turn and makes a weird whistling noise only when the "heat" (aka stale, lukewarm air) is on Level 3 before 6 am. It has no overhead interior light, only a mangled space where my brother tore it out for his subwoofer wires (or something). I'm saying this to people in cars that are much nicer than mine, and I'm usually saying it out loud to myself. Clearly, not as cool as I picture myself to be in my mind.
Still, I think the connectivity is making me feel like a much more together person. It's an OCD person's dream- everything right their in a little pink silicone protector, and if I ever feel like I don't have everything... BOOP. Spreadsheet on the go to make a list of pros and cons to ease my stressed out mind.
When I first wanted to get one, my dad wasted no time in heckling me.
"What the **** do you need a Blackberry for? Are your kids gonna e-mail you during the weekend to ask you urgent questions? They can't even read. They don't even know how to use a computer. They can barely use the bathroom correctly."
Valid point, Dad. BUT what about when I really want Mom's banana bread recipe and I don't feel like getting off the couch to check my email? She can't operate T9 well enough to text it to me in any sort of readable fashion (she frequently texts me about how much she likes my "clog" and wonders how "lack" is doing). Point for Blackberry.
And what about when I'm playing Scattergories and we don't know whether horseradish is an actual vegetable? Point for Blackberry.
And what about when I lock my keys in my car at the gas station? I could be stuck watching the Ultimate Cage Fighting Championships on a TV from 1996... OR I could be looking up my yoga schedule online. BAM. Another point for Blackberry.
So there's my rave review for my new toy that is really not new at all. Not even a little bit. Arguably, it has made me LESS cool because of my obnoxious showiness of a pretty typical piece of technology. I've been sucked into a Blackberry haze, not talking to anyone unless the mode of communication is included in the huge bubble of functions granted to me by this glorious little electronic fruit. Oh well. If you don't understand, it's because you don't have one. Which means I'm cooler than you.
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