Examples:
- One of my girls brought in a little vase with fake flowers sticking out of it. Her explanation? "Miss Fiorillo, I got you this flower to remind you of Jesus and say thanks for teaching me lots of stuff. Also, its not just a flower. It's a pen too (long pause). I made it."
- Holding up a crumpled straw- "This looks like Michael Jackson's hair."
- Male student- "I play baseball. I'm so good."
Me- "Oh really? What position do you play?"
Male student- "Batter."
Me- "Don't you have to play in the field too?"
Male student- "Oh yeah. I'm the one that take the ball away when they don't get it."
...right. My boyfriend plays that position too.
- I like to bribe my kids with things. One of my little girls (aka the future Beyonce) CANNOT walk down the hall without dance, sit on the carpet without doing someone else's hair, or read without singing the words with one hand in the air. I told her if she had a good day, she'd get to see pictures of my sister in her wedding dress (she freaked out when she heard the word "wedding"). After finally having a good day, I got to show her the picture on my phone doing recess.
"Oh, Miss Fiorillo!" she gasped. "It is so pretty! But wait... where's her man at?"
I showed her another picture of Kristin and Ryan, which prompted her to call him "SOOOO handsome!" and to ask if she could be the flower girl.
At this point, given how quickly they got engaged (I'm sorry guys, I will never let that go), a cutie Nigerian flower girl with dreads wouldn't cause anyone to raise an eyebrow.
- "He farted at me."
- "Miss Fiorillo, I need to move my spot on the carpet. I'm sitting by all boys and all the do is mess with each other and dig up their noses and act all nasty!"
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