Truckin' Along

Yesterday I was fortunate enough to be forced to drive to Virginia to switch cars with my mom. She was "worried" about the Jeep not being inspected (bogus claim) and insisted on switching it with my father's monstrous truck.  At least I got a free lunch out of it, talking about what to do for my sister's bachelorette party.  My mom's told me that-

"Pa knows a lady at school that does *looks around and starts to whisper* sex toy parties!"

How does something like that come up in casual conversation? "Whoops, my dildo for my sex toy party fell out of my purse in the staff lounge AGAIN!"?

I also had a long drive home to think of the pros and cons of driving the truck.

Point- I look pretty badass in it.
I won't lie, I like driving around in big cars because I feel awesome.  I get to say things like "I'm bigger than you," "I will destroy you if you don't let me merge" and "Get out of my f***in' way" (with the windows rolled all the way up and my face turned away so they can't read my lips).

Counterpoint- I can't park it.
I'm lucky that Walmart has parking lots big enough to allow the people who can't park for their life enough space a mile away from the store to leave their cars.  I don't need to work out anymore now that I  have to park so far away.

Point- I don't have to worry about the same things as other drivers.
Potholes?  Speed bumps?  Small mammals?  No problem.  I can just run them over.  Which I do.  In fact, I ran over a curb today on my way to work.  Not turning a corner or anything (I'm serious, I was on a slightly curved road), but I didn't have to wonder whether it hurt the car cause it's a gigantic truck- nothing can hurt it.

Counterpoint- I run over curbs.
No way to make that look any better.  Except...

Point- revert back to point 1.
I can still look badass running over curbs because it looks more like I just don't care than I just don't know how to drive.

That's all.  I suck at driving.