Leave the Mothers Out of This

No, I won't!  The mothers have a special place in this highly read and highly demanded blog and as such, it would be a crime to NOT write a Mother's Day blog.  On this momentous occasion (which caused me to spend over $20 at Hallmark), I would just like to say thank you for the MANY thankless acts that mothers do as their children grow up.  Maybe these are just things my mother has done... but bear with me.

1. Not being able to sleep until we are safe at home.  For all those nights we stumbled home past 2 am, clutching bags of McDonald's items and thinking we were along, only to have you shoot up from your resting position on the couch.  "You're home," you'd say, then sleepily clump up the stairs leaving us to eat our drunk food in peace.  Whether it was coming downstairs to me and half the town of Corning in our living room or to our father drunkenly curled up in the fetal position on his 53rd birthday, you refuse to go to sleep until our booze-scented butts are through that front door.
2. Not being able to sleep even if we are safe at home.  For the one night when I went to bed at 10 and you thought I was still out.  Or when you had to check on Kristin every ten minutes to make sure she wasn't sneaking out to one of Painted Post's public parks or high school parties.
3. Putting up with endless jabs and jokes on our end, but never being able to make one of your own.  You have to deal with the harassment of three children and a husband, but the minute you try to put in your rebuttal all you get is tears.  "I'm not fat Mom, I'm in COLLEGE.  Why don't you understand me?"
4. Actually, putting up with everything.  Jon has farted ON you before.  Kristin has called you from the middle of traffic after running out of gas.  I have called you before and just cried without speaking.  Dad bought a $400 bike and spandex shorts with cushions when he has biked maybe seven times in his entire life.  How do you do it without medication?
5. Driving around the country for a million different reasons.  College visits, sports games, riveting all-state band concerts.  Some are fun, some... are not.  We all know which ones are not fun, and even though I pretend it's not okay, it is.  No one wants to watch the French horn, no matter how much you love your kid.  And at least you got there in time to PRETEND to have seen it.
6. The labor part.  I don't think I need to comment on this one.
7. Cheering us on, no matter what.  Even when we suck (like when I ran track).  Even when we have done everything wrong.  Even when you're mad at us.
8. Using so much butter in your cooking but not telling us.  No wonder family dinners were so delicious.  And no wonder we spent $10 on butter in a week.
9. Making sure we have everything we need for family vacations.  And by everything we need, I mean everything that could possibly fit in the van.  "Why don't we bring the TV?  And this cooler?  And the beaver costume?  Is there still room?"
10. Being really focused when packing for family vacations.  So focused that the one time Dad kicked the ladder out of the loft in the garage and was left there for 45 minutes because we were all so busy packing.  "Where the hell is your father?  I sent him to get the turtle out of the garage an hour ago!"
11. Getting things we need IMMEDIATELY when driving.  Someone needs tweezers once we get to our destination?  No, I will get it right now, even if my ass slams into Dad's face as I stand up to walk around the van.  Safety can be suspended so long as I can get my toiletrie case.  Maybe I shouldn't say thanks for this one, because even if you CAN stand up in a moving vehicle because your five feet tall, doesn't mean you SHOULD.
12. Cheesy birthday things.  The seven days of Sari, the many cakes of Kristin (esp. the glass shards one)... forgetting Jon's birthday.  Hey, it happens.
13. Having good genes.  Seriously.  Thanks for the metabolism and the skin.
14. Loving the boyfriends and girlfriends even when they suck.  You know who I'm talking about... no one likes giving people rides to Buffalo when they sit in the backseat and cry the whole time.
    
15. Saying the hard things.  The things no one wants to hear but needs to.  Like showing Kristin she can't support herself being a bartender ("Oh.  That's not very much money.")
16. Holding us accountable.  Because we need to learn those lessons on our own.  Adolescence is a time to make mistakes, but it's also a time to be held responsible for them.
17. Being a hundred million things at one time.  Nurse, teacher, counselor, cook, bartender, masseuse, cheerleader, police officer, parole officer, house (you know, when we were embryos), referee, role model, friend... but above all, being a mom.  Thanks.  I'd be lucky to be half the mother you have been to all of us (and not because I'd be REEEEEALLY skinny).