Actually, it's more like typical winter blues. Even though there isn't any snow in Charlotte, it's cold and rainy and overall, pretty depressing weather. Our last day off until Spring Break was last Monday, and now every teacher in CMS is look ahead to the rest of Februrary and March with feelings of panic and anxiety. At least that's how I feel. The idea of eight straight five-day weeks is daunting and overwhelming. And, as usual, that feeling is hitting all at once on this Sunday morning. Since I hadn't blogged in awhile, I thought I'd give it a try today in an effort to alleviate all of this stress I'm feeling thanks to our marathon school schedule in the upcoming months.
On Friday, I took a professional development day to go observe another teacher as a TFA requirement. Since she teaches at a late start school and since I didn't have much use in seeing her teach social studies and take her kids to specials, I got to wake up almost a full five hours later than normal. FIVE hours. Insanity. Being in her room really made me realize where I'm going wrong, but not in that freak-out, I-suck-at-everything way. Every lesson she did was completely driven by her students, and she showed an amount of patience with them that I know I haven't had with my kids. Hopefully I'll be able to put that in play when I go back tomorrow.
On Saturday, I went into school for a bit to try to fix up some of my small group stuff and had the luck to find out that I got another student, upping my class roster to a total of 23 students. He was in another class at my school, so I'm assuming that he is getting moved because of behavior issues. I think that might be another contributor to my level of stress today.
In reality, though, I think this awful mood is a result of my lack of a social life. I feel like a different person than I was in college. Missing out on a weekend in New York with a bunch of my friends and realizing how terrible I've been at keeping in touch is starting to get to me, especially when I live in this fun city where I don't do anything because all I think about is my classroom. It's weird to see how much things change after you have to come out in "the real world" and I don't think it's a very easy thing to adjust to. What I really want is to go back to a time when my friends and family were close by, when I was better at the things I needed to do, when I felt like I could easily break out of a bad mood simply by surrounding myself by the people and things I loved the most. In the end, I think that's what's getting to me. I think that's what gets to a lot of people when they start some new stage of their life- they're missing out on that comfort zone, the support network on which they always relied and sometimes took for granted.
This is kind of a depressing post, but hopefully something will happen over the course of the day that will let me get back on here and start being my usual hilarious self.
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