My New Favorite Fruit

rIt would be an understatement to say I am obsessed.  I got a new Blackberry last Tuesday, and since then have found little use for my outdated laptop (dying a slow death driven by its now-pathetic battery life and tendency to freeze only when I am Facebooking people I shouldn't be).  I understand that I'm late in joining this craze, that people who have Blackberries are reading this thinking about how pathetic I am.  And I am pathetic.  It's funny when stupid things make you feel like your coolness factor has skyrocketed, when the only place it has moved is in your mind.

"Look at me," I think as I drive home from work.  "I'm at a stoplight checking my e-mail.  What are YOU doing?  Changing the radio station?  Hah, well I can get my OWN radio on Pandora.  Wow, you're practically a caveman moving that tuning dial.  I should take a picture of you on my 3.2 megapixel camera so I can upload it to my blog at the next stoplight and make fun of you to the whole world (or the 45 people that read my blog*)."

*Update number based on new hit counter in left toolbar that I am padding, another way to make myself appear cooler*

Keep in mind that I drive a 1998 Jeep Cherokee that is on the verge of dropping its transmission whenever I do a U-turn and makes a weird whistling noise only when the "heat" (aka stale, lukewarm air) is on Level 3 before 6 am.  It has no overhead interior light, only a mangled space where my brother tore it out for his subwoofer wires (or something).  I'm saying this to people in cars that are much nicer than mine, and I'm usually saying it out loud to myself.  Clearly, not as cool as I picture myself to be in my mind.

Still, I think the connectivity is making me feel like a much more together person.  It's an OCD person's dream- everything right their in a little pink silicone protector, and if I ever feel like I don't have everything... BOOP.  Spreadsheet on the go to make a list of pros and cons to ease my stressed out mind.

When I first wanted to get one, my dad wasted no time in heckling me.

"What the **** do you need a Blackberry for?  Are your kids gonna e-mail you during the weekend to ask you urgent questions?  They can't even read.  They don't even know how to use a computer.  They can barely use the bathroom correctly."

Valid point, Dad.  BUT what about when I really want Mom's banana bread recipe and I don't feel like getting off the couch to check my email?  She can't operate T9 well enough to text it to me in any sort of readable fashion (she frequently texts me about how much she likes my "clog" and wonders how "lack" is doing).  Point for Blackberry.

And what about when I'm playing Scattergories and we don't know whether horseradish is an actual vegetable?  Point for Blackberry.

And what about when I lock my keys in my car at the gas station?  I could be stuck watching the Ultimate Cage Fighting Championships on a TV from 1996... OR I could be looking up my yoga schedule online.  BAM.  Another point for Blackberry.

So there's my rave review for my new toy that is really not new at all.  Not even a little bit.  Arguably, it has made me LESS cool because of my obnoxious showiness of a pretty typical piece of technology.  I've been sucked into a Blackberry haze, not talking to anyone unless the mode of communication is included in the huge bubble of functions granted to me by this glorious little electronic fruit.  Oh well.  If you don't understand, it's because you don't have one.  Which means I'm cooler than you.

Wasted Space

Know the lyrics?  Me too.

Listening to radio stations that tout themselves as "the best of the 80's, 90's, and today" always leaves me with the same scary question in my mind- how much room in my brain is occupied by lyrics to the Backstreet Boys and Madonna?

Thinking of all the useless information I keep filed away- birthdays, phone numbers, terrible jokes- gets me wondering how much more I could learn or know if I just purged it from my mind.  Sure, I wouldn't be able to sing along with MMMBop on the rare occasions that it comes on in WalMart, but I might be able to be more knowledgeable on other, more pertinent things.  I don't quite know what that would be, but there has to be something more pertinent than boy band lyrics.  There has to be.

We all waste space somewhere in our lives.  I think of the basement in my parents' house, of my sister's closet, of the minds of college boys on Sundays (another direct jab at my boyfriend and his friends... how many different kinds of sports percentages does one person need to know?).  Perhaps it's time to get rid of those empty space-takers and start filling ourselves with more meaning.

It's funny how those cheesy pop lyrics bring up this same, rather deep thought every time I hear them.  Maybe they do serve a purpose then- to get us to appreciate the things that DO matter, the things in our brains and basements that hold meaning and importance.  Because if everything was important, maybe nothing would be (kind of stole that from The Incredibles... whoops!).

Just a thought.

Competition

Oh, it's on. My boyfriend has created a sports blog, sparking a bitter fight for the readers and fans from our small network of friends and acquaintances.

Maybe it's not quite that serious, or serious at all, but he puts me to shame with his ability to post pretty much any time of day (ah, the joys of college winter break). Plus he can add all sorts of cool pictures and videos. I don't think it's as feasible for me- after all, how would I get a picture of me having a self reflective epiphany doing a headstand in yoga? And who's missing out by NOT seeing that?

One thing I wanted to do more of this year was blogging, but I don't want it to become the boring rambling of a tired teacher. So I'm waiting until I have something both hilarious and insightful to share with the world. In the meantime, while you're waiting on pins and needles for my incredible musings, you can pass the time with http://jackdoessports.blogspot.com. Just remember- not everyone can be as good as me.

Blomit

AKA blog vomit.  Occasionally I get on here and realize that my blog post looks more like someone cut and pasted random sections of the encyclopedia than a coherent idea.  It happens, and today is one of those days.  Try to keep up...


1) Arctic blast: on Wednesday, my principal came on the morning announcements and told the school that there was an urgent form being sent home that must be returned by the next day- the inclement weather form (basically, how kids are supposed to get home if school is let out early because of bad weather).  Everyone was worried about the "arctic blast" coming through, bringing with it snow, sleet, and ice (or so they said).  When I checked the weather, I remembered the warnings I'd gotten about the ridiculousness of the South when "bad" weather hits- high of 46, 30% chance of precipitation... at 4 pm.  Makes me feel tough that I can scoff at all the news stories about how to survive the coming apocalypse.


2) Some funny moments of the week:

• When one of my kids said "CAN YOU TELL TAYLOR SWIFT TO MOVE OVER?!"  Yes, her name is Taylor and yes, her last name begins with an S, but no, her name is not Taylor Swift.
  
• We're working on surveys and graphs in math and the class got in a fight over whether I counted as a girl or not... "She's a LADY, people!"
• A six-year-old using Caucasian as an adjective to expand her sight word sentence.  Every other kid in my class was scratching their head.
  

3) I'm purposely embedding this thought I had within a post because I realize how much it makes me sound like a crazy hippy-ish granola-y person.  Anyway, I'm fully expecting flak from people for verbalizing what I thought of during yoga the other day.  We were in Savasana, which is the part where you just get to lay there and think about nothing (the best part of my day).  I was planning out what I was going to blog about when my instructor started talking about how we should be communicating with our bodies, asking ourselves what we need.  I realized- what the hell?  It's my one time to talk to myself and I talk about what I'm going to blog when I get home?  I feel like everyone has all these modes of communication now that there is never a time when you are only thinking about communicating with yourself.  Our journals have websites, our thoughts are linked by subject and date, our moods are updated and listed on a live feed.  Maybe that's not everyone, maybe it's more the Twitter/Facebook/blogging freaks (like me), but I think we all do it more than we realize.  We're more apt to share over hyperlinks and wall posts than to take any real time for self-reflection.  I feel like self-reflection isn't exactly the coolest thing to admit to doing these days.  But even if you believe in it (which I do), the fact that my self-reflection time is spent drafting blog entries is a little disturbing to me.  The fact that I'm STILL blogging about it even after that realization is even more disturbing.

I'm justifying it by it by telling myself that people look to me for wisdom and things to quote in their profiles (so lying to myself).  And maybe, on another level, we find things out about ourselves by the way we choose to talk to other people.  How we want to be seen by those that know us well and those that don't know us that well can tell us a lot about our needs at the time.  After all, part of being in our generation is about being connected and available.  Time to yourself barely exists anymore because we spend that time creeping on everyone else.  Maybe that's another New Years resolution to add to my ever-growing list.

First Day of School, Take 2

Except much, much better.  Kids were calm today, almost kind of tired, but it was starting to wear off by the end of the day.  I'm sure they'll be wired again tomorrow.

It's amazing how different I feel, even though I did NOTHING teaching-related over break.  I did nothing life-related actually, because it seems like I'm returning from some horribly distant planet.  Summing up my vacation in a few words is easy- Jack, family, cards, bacon.  Notice that "yoga" and "working out" are not in there.  That's probably why a slightly chubbier (five pounds to be exact) Miss Fiorillo was calmly escorting her class around school.  I'm trying this thing where I talk quieter so they have to be quieter to hear me.  The only problem is that I have to be saying something interesting at least 75% of the time or else they don't really care.  Sometimes if they're really not paying attention I'll mix in some of those key words that make their eyes shoot back up at me- words like "sticker", "surprise", and "special treat."  Usually I just mean I'll give them a high five or let them sit next to me at lunch, but they haven't caught on yet.  Or maybe they really think I'm that cool...

Little kids amaze me in that way.  The littlest things matter so much to them- things like a smile (I'm not saying that to be cheesy, I literally have had students look like they won the lottery after I smiled at them while addressing the whole class).  Plus you can just tell them to do something and they do it.  Clearly I'm not talking about basic directions here because that's a different story.  But the moment you get a new student and you tell one of your kids to be a good friend and talk to the newbie (except I don't actually use the word newbie), they just bounce off without any reservations.  A minute later and they're talking about Nintendo or trampolines or something and then before you know it they're inseparable, giggling and pinching each other in line.  At that point you wonder why in the world you would ever want all your students to be friends in the first place.

Most adults don't think that way, probably because over the years we've become cynical about the idea of instant connections.  It makes me change my mind, though, seeing them do that.  It makes me want to befriend some stranger on the street, although the possibility of identity theft and swine flu still holds me back.

Just some random thoughts before bed.  I'm sure I won't be quite so serene after tomorrow, when those cutie pies are whistling and farting and poking each other just like they did in 2009.  Why can't first graders make New Years resolutions to do EXACTLY what their teacher tells them?

A Really Cheesy Resolution

When my roommate got back from break, bubbly and well-rested, she shared with me her New Year's resolution.  Part I was EXACTLY in line with part of mine- floss every day (I laughed for about ten minutes when she told me this).  Part II was a cheesy and slightly hippy-ish thing to strive for.  As much as I wanted to make fun of her for jumping off a Hallmark card to deliver her resolution, I have to say that it is one that makes sense for any person, whether you care to buy into its wholesome goodness or not.

Find happiness in every day.

Laugh about it a little bit, but then think about it.  How often do you go through the day without acknowledging the million small things that are pretty great?  I'm not going as far as to start a "Joy Journal" or anything like that, but I think the idea deserves a shot.

Today's happiness?  She made homemade lasagna.  Almost forgot to cook the noodles first (minor detail), but in the end it was still delicious.  And I flossed after.

New Beginnings

I've never been big on New Years resolutions, probably because I tend to make them at the beginning of every week.  This is more than likely the reason I got into TFA, with my "big goals" and psychotic habit of making lists for everything I do.  I plan out workouts and meals, I prioritize my to-do lists, I block out my time.  Naturally, I'm exhausted by the time my winter vacation comes along, and New Years is more important as a day of rest and recovery than as a day of creating new beginnings.

There is one resolution I make, one I make any time I set any goals or make any lists- floss more.  I don't think there is any person on the planet that flosses enough.  Ever.  Even if you floss religiously, twice a day, I'm sure at yearly cleaning dentists still tell you, "You should probably floss more."  And I hate flossing.  It's always on my list because I hate it so much.  Even my Teach for America BIG GOAL for my classroom had it in the fine print (Grow a year and a half in reading, master 80% of math objectives, floss every morning).  I don't count it because I very rarely can stick to it for more than a week.

This year, though, thanks to the long car ride back from my Nana's Florida condo, I've had a lot of time to think about the kind of things I'd like to change in 2010.  My change of heart has a lot to do with the big changes I've gone through this year and the new structure that life falls into after college.  I've never had to make priorities or goals because they've always been made for me.  I had schoolwork.  I had volleyball workouts.  When I wasn't doing those things, I was having fun.  Who needs resolutions when things are laid out already?  Now it's different.  Not only is there nothing forcing me to work out, but I have to pay for and plan for it entirely on my own.  My comfortable ebb and flow of semesters, of midterms and finals, is gone.  I'm left with the endless to-do list from work, something more difficult to prioritize because it is impossible to ever finish.

So I'm thinking maybe resolutions are the way to go.  But which ones?  Too often we make the mistake of choosing the broad and vague categories of "eating better," "not wasting time," "being a better person."  As a well-trained and well-disciplined TFA-er, I know that vague goals are about as useful as no goals at all.  I've decided to look at things in a different way, a way of balancing things out.  Every day, we make choices.  We choose to watch HGTV instead of going to the gym.  We choose to silence our friends calling because of our tired bodies and minds.  We buy cinnamon rolls on an impulse, and eat them all on another five impulses.  What if, instead of letting these things happen idly, without thought, I became proactive in making the better decision?  Be a little better every day, whether it's as big as working out for an hour or as small as making my bed.  Something better, every day.  MORE of the good stuff, LESS of the bad and lazy.  Below is my list of these more and less categories, things that require a little less commitment than those resolutions I first mentioned.

• MORE blogging and writing, LESS Facebook creeping
• MORE vegetables, LESS Poptarts (if you saw how well-stocked my school's vending machine is, you would have the same problem)
• MORE yoga, LESS couch time
• MORE phone calls, LESS feeling sorry for myself
• MORE love, LESS judgment
• MORE gratefulness, LESS complaining

And, of course, floss.