That being said, most people have probably noticed that my beautiful older sister has recently gotten engaged. I have known since November but have been forbidden to talk, Facebook, Tweet, or blog about it... until now. So with that, here it goes.
Kristin has long been the butt of jokes in my family. She makes it easy, really. Not knowing that they spoke Italian in Rome, trying to mail a package on the Fourth of July... I mean, come on. I remember in high school my dad equated all of us to country songs- Jon was Brad Paisley's "I'm Gonna Miss Her", I was "Whiskey Girl". Kristin was Sara Evans "Suds in the Bucket."
Little did we know...
She met Ryan in July when he hired her as his assistant volleyball coach. Word on the street is that it was between her and some tiny Asian man (and by word on the street I mean I made that part up in my head). Clearly, she was the more qualified/hotter choice. During the summer, Ryan asked my dad to make him a work out that would "get him a girlfriend." Apparently it worked. Maybe you should put that in your informational brochure, Dad.
I won't lie, I was quite skeptical. Maybe it's because they've known each other all of six months. I remember the day she called me to tell me her previous boyfriend broke up with her in a text message (let's hope Ryan's not so quick with his thumbs). I was picking up a side table for my apartment at IKEA. I have a weird memory like that- knowing exactly what I was wearing when I met someone, what song was playing when something happened, the time when I found something important out. Anyway, last night I was trying to fall asleep, thinking about how I would write this post, looking at my glowing phone on that same table I bought the day she was dumped about five months ago (sorry, no nice way to put it). And I thought- wow... so this is what Kristin feels like when she goes to bed with Ryan at night.
Okay, that was my one jab. I know what my sister's saying now- hah hah we haven't been dating for that long... HILARIOUS. And yes, I know she's getting a lot of flak from other people, behind her back if it's not to her face. But I think those people might change their minds if they knew what I know about Kristin.
- She's really, really lucky.
- She doesn't think.
"I could hold a microphone," she would probably reply. And then NBC would give her a lifetime contract.
Because of that, I believe that she could meet someone and have it just POOF- magically work out. Look at her- in June she was unemployed, single, and living in our basement, my dad building a chinchilla mansion in her closet to try to drive her out. Now? She's house-hunting with "the one," staying at bed and breakfasts where they randomly get asked to be promotional models and commercial actors (...but seriously, that happened).
The second part, at first, sounds like a diss. But hear me out. Coming from a self-proclaimed overthinker, I would give anything to be able to NOT think like Kristin. She doesn't worry. She just... lets it happen. Which is probably why she's so lucky. Nothing bad could happen because I don't think she even conceives bad thoughts in her mind. I wonder sometimes what it's like inside her head. I imagine it's kind of like a car commercial, with pretty scenery whizzing by and fast music playing. At times when I would be weighing pros and cons, she's doing S curves on an iceberg in a family-friendly SUV. Or playing "Row Row Row Your Boat" on the rumble strips of a straightaway somewhere in the desert.
The truth is, as easy as it is to be uncertain about it, I really have no choice but to be happy for her. I've never seen her this content, which is saying a lot for someone who can be amused by a rock for at least a day. I've seen her date a lot of different people, people I've really liked and people I've really hated. But she's never acted this way with any of them before- not with the wanna-be white boy rapper or that guy from Buffalo who wore the ugly old man sweater the first time I met him. In the end, that's something more profound than how many dating anniversaries you've had or the amount of time since you first met.
I do have one complaint- the fact that I haven't met Ryan. I think he's afraid of me. I could probably destroy his career if I gave him a bad review on my blog (I know the administration at the college they work at are huge fans), which must be why he sent me cupcakes on my birthday. Oh well. He can't hide forever... muahahah.
The other complaint I have is the fact that they are going to end up just like my mom and dad. Coach and Mrs. Coach, Jr. Ugh. That's just what I need, another pair of people fighting over who gets to blow the whistle at practice. On the bright side, I already have their wedding gift... bring on the matching his and hers windsuits.
Congratulations, you two. I hope I wasn't too hard on you. And I only hope it's the same happy ending for me and my table.
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